You were going. Creeping through the night.

Airports.

Bus terminals.

With the heavy smell that you carried – of need. Of want.

To be somewhere else. Anywhere else.

With many, many others. Swallowing hugely

of everything.

And not knowing.

I leave you, you said. I think. I feel. You say nothing.

Except

Sit there with your tea staining your life. Trying to stain mine.

You went. She stayed.

You were better. Stronger. Growing.

Still, she stayed.

I touch you, she said. My darling. My one.

That is what I am. That is how I show.

Why, you said. Why? Irritated. There’s more. There’s other. So much other.

I touch you, she said. My darling. My one.

That is what I am. That is how I show.

Be some other way, you said. Be more.

I touch you, she said. My

I know, you thought.

Knowing.

This is for my special friend C, who has just lost her mom. I love you, C.