Tag Archives: love

For J

This is for my beloved sister J, who passed away on December 26 after a short struggle with cancer. I love you, J.

 

You have always been kind and tough and thoughtful and practical.

And you learned early how to deal with the family’s narcissists. Before it was popular, you knew a kind of no contact and lived it. Your own kind.

Distance did it. Physical distance. Mental distance.

I, much younger, didn’t really know you.

Not until much later. Not until now, really.

And then, we faced another narcissist. This time, together. Looked at our heritage.

But you handled that, too. Adroitly, as you always have. Even as you grew smaller and smaller and your world grew smaller and smaller.

The one who wasn’t “smart.”

The one who always knew but didn’t fuss. Just lived.

I’ve had a good long life, you said.

I wish it was longer.

I wish I didn’t have to say good-bye.

Stop Trying to Fix what is Broken…

Sometimes, when something is broken, it should stay that way.

An Upturned Soul

It’s difficult isn’t it?

Trying not to do something… especially once you’ve started doing it, whether physically or mentally. Many actions take place in the mind, more than in physical reality. It’s easier to stop doing the physical stuff, than the mental stuff. If the mental stuff is directing the physical… once you start doing something… it’s a ‘mare to stop!

And if your emotions are involved in your mental stuff… stuff is going to just keep happening and going and happening because it just can’t stop itself or you or others.

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“I took the other road, all right, but only because it was the easy road for me, the way I wanted to go. If I’ve encountered some unnecessary resistance that’s because most of the traffic is going the other way.”
― Edward Abbey

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I once read somewhere that the mind can’t process negatives.

My mind found…

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For C

You were going. Creeping through the night.

Airports.

Bus terminals.

With the heavy smell that you carried – of need. Of want.

To be somewhere else. Anywhere else.

With many, many others. Swallowing hugely

of everything.

And not knowing.

I leave you, you said. I think. I feel. You say nothing.

Except

Sit there with your tea staining your life. Trying to stain mine.

You went. She stayed.

You were better. Stronger. Growing.

Still, she stayed.

I touch you, she said. My darling. My one.

That is what I am. That is how I show.

Why, you said. Why? Irritated. There’s more. There’s other. So much other.

I touch you, she said. My darling. My one.

That is what I am. That is how I show.

Be some other way, you said. Be more.

I touch you, she said. My

I know, you thought.

Knowing.

This is for my special friend C, who has just lost her mom. I love you, C.

This Is for You, M.

Some of you dear readers have probably come to the conclusion that after my nasty experience with a male narcissist that I’m a sort of man-hater. Nothing could be further from the truth. My experience with Harry has in many ways been beneficial and clichéd as it might sound, has helped me to become a better person. Not that I would recommend this method of self-improvement.

Becoming a better person lead me to M. He is the love of my life and the best man I have ever met.

I feel profoundly lucky to have found you.

Love tree
Love tree (Photo credit: @Doug88888)