Tag Archives: humor

More Comedy Wildlife Photos

I found more of these humorous wildlife photos together with commentary from the photographers and just had to share.

There are more of these entertaining photos at https://www.comedywildlifephoto.com/gallery/comedy-widlife-2020-competition-winners.php

Tim Hearn
with his picture
Hide and Seek
“As this azure damselfly slowly woke up, he became aware of my presence. I was lined up to take a profile picture of his wings and body, but quite sensibly the damsel reacted to the human with the camera by putting the Marsh grass stem between me and it. I took the shot anyway. It was only later that I realised how characterful it was. And how much the damselfly looks like one of the muppets.”

Tim Hearn

Krisztina Scheeff
with her picture
Seriously, would you share some?
“Atlantic Puffins are amazing flyers and their fishing talents are – well – as you see, some do better than others! I just love the second puffin’s look – can I just have one please?”

Krisztina Scheef

Happy Wednesday. 🙂

October 30’s Friday Flower

Here are some candle flowers. But they can’t hold a candle to …

Candle flowers.

Oh … hello. Where did you come from? Well, it seems that a magic pumpkin has joined my Friday Flower post. Umm, not sure how I feel about that. I suppose it can stay as long as nothing else creepy happens.

Dear Pumpkin Being: do not grow arms, legs, fangs, or a mouth. If you do, I will get my blender and turn you into mush. Got it?

Not kidding.

It’s the Great Pumpkin!

Happy Halloween! 🎃

2020 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

A piece about the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards brought delight to my day!

Here’s a sample of the pictures:

Brigitte Alcalay Marcon/Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2020
Charlie Davidson/Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2020

Aren’t these great?

To see the entire article, please visit https://digg.com/2020/the-finalists-for-2020s-comedy-wildlife-photography-awards

Have a good week. 🙂

The Japes of Graft

As Monty Python used to say, “And now for something completely different … “

Firstly, my apologies to John Steinbeck, but I really couldn’t help myself.

Secondly, this title (and post) is in honour of Brian Lageose, who in particular does a terrific job of twisting well-known tales into Gumby dolls, and who in general is a terrifically funny writer. You can visit his site at https://brianlageose.blog/ Please do and take a stroll through his many wonderful posts. 🙂

A pretty sunrise, just for fun.

So, without further ado, a warped excerpt from the fictional “The Japes of Graft:”

“In the cold half-morning light, Rod stumbled across the dusty street, chasing a ten dollar bill that rustled and shimmied through the grime, a snake-like, reptilian escapee. Somewhere off to his left, a boy named Sue was snoring loudly and muttering about eyelash curlers. Rod stopped his chasing and listened intently, his heart pounding and jumping at the unexpected exercise. Would Sue awaken and steal his ten?”

Rod’s road?

Will Rod overcome his tendency to graft?

Will Sue awaken in time to enjoy her jape?

Will Rod realise that the ten is tied to string before it’s too late?

Will Rod and Sue become partners and keep the ten?

Personally, I think this book is about politicians. 😉

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to add a line or two to “The Japes of Graft” that honours Brian’s sense of humour and maybe twangs a funny bone or two.

I hope you choose to participate. 🙂

Stay the Blazes Home

The premier of Nova Scotia got pretty frustrated at the number of people still going outside to loiter in groups, so during a press conference he told residents to “stay the blazes home.”

https://www.theloop.ca/ctvnews/n-s-premiers-stay-the-blazes-home-inspires-viral-songs-memes-clothes/

His line has now gone viral (in a good way 🙂 ) and is being passed around everywhere. You can even get a t-shirt.

It costs $35.00 and all proceeds are going to covid-19 relief funds.

Stay healthy everyone and stay the blazes home. 😉

Sliding on a Slippery Icy Road

Here is a northern take on Winter Wonderland (my apologies and salutations to Felix Bernard).

Doorbells ring, are you listening?

In the lane, snowplows glistening

A breathtaking sight

We’re trying tonight

To stand up on a slippery icy road

Gone away is the sand truck

Here to stay is a cold front

It screams a north gale

As we plod along

Sliding on a slippery icy road

In the meadow we will build a shelter

And crawl inside to get out of the wind

You’ll say are you freezing

I’ll say not now

But that’s a possibility later on

In a bit, we’ll perspire

As we sit in the fire

We’ll thaw and we’ll stretch

Sam McGee at his best

Sliding on a slippery icy road

In the meadow we can build a shelter

And pretend that winter is all done

That’s quite a feat of self-deluded nonsense

But that’s what happens when you’re freezing cold

When it snows, watch for frostbite

When it blows, get a tissue

We’ll frolic and play, the northern way

Sliding on a slippery icy road.

A little northern humour. 🙂

20171203_1428217485928772790854365.jpg

The Big Chilly

Right now I am living deep inside a real big chilly. It’s something like -42 C or whatever. When it’s that cold, does it matter any more? I don’t even check. It’s -40, yada yada.

Up until recently, it’s been fairly easy to live with.

But … there’s always something.

First, my truck wouldn’t start. It was plugged in, but despite heat shots and trickle chargers and a couple of boosts, it protested and said no, I’m not starting. Now leave me alone or put me in a warm garage!

There I was, my whatis sticking up in the wind chill factor while I fussed over an exposed engine, checking oil and fumbling around trying to determine if the the block heater was still working as I invented a totally new dialect composed entirely of vulgarities.

Then my bathtub drain froze.

Yup. My bathtub drain.

I was standing in the tub shower, soaping up and enjoying the warmth when I realised that the water was up to my ankles. It wasn’t a clog, because the day before, the water was draining normally.

But now? There’s no movement at all, not even a trickle.

I have a bathtub full of used water and an open drain. It just sits there, staring stupidly at me while I think about flamethrowers and other incendiary devices.

Then my house door wouldn’t lock. It was too cold for the tumblers to engage. I almost got down on my knees and begged. Really? You aren’t going to lock? Just hang on a sec, I have to go throw a minor tantrum. Waaahh! 🤣

And let’s not forget the head cold. Its onset blended seamlessly with the arrival of several days of major meetings that I had to attend, a tissue box under one arm and a Vicks inhaler lodged, unnoticed, in a nostril.

Of course, all of this happened while my M is away. (Is there a message in that?)

But, an update.

It got warmer. Right now, it’s about -12 C.

I got my truck towed. It got its wish and is in warm garage awaiting a new block heater.

I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of my bathtub draining. It turns out that all I had to do was wait. Scared the crap out of me though – there I was, creeping into the bathroom with my phone in one hand and a fly swatter in the other. If it had been an intruder, what was I going to do with the fly swatter??? (Oh look, there’s a mutant mosquito in the bathroom – hand me the swatter please.)

I got my hair dryer, pointed it at my door lock and warmed up all the parts.

That worked.

My cold is almost gone. So is a lot of the other cold.

Things are looking up, especially the temperature. (Okay, I’ll stop with the cheesy comments.)

So how has this “polar vortex” (doesn’t that sound like the name of a disaster movie? Polar Vortex, starring Jennifer Aniston and Tom Cruise. Watch if you dare. Because you may never go outside again. 《Sound of loud chattering teeth.》) been treating you??? Among other places, it has hit the west coast of the continent pretty hard.

Don’t Call Me Petal

Are there “pet” names in your life? Names that are perhaps more sour than sweet? Names that make you roll your eyes? Or worse, make you want to hurl?

I mean, I’ve been called names that, well, I can’t repeat here. Like, you know, twitface and frackwit. I can take those.

But what I really can’t stand are a lot of those so-called endearments. Or names that suggest I’m twelve. Or impart a sense of intimacy that doesn’t exist.

Dear store employees, don’t call me dear or sweetie or hon or honey. I don’t know you from a can of paint, so stop pretending I’m your granny. The one with an advanced case of dementia.

Just because I’m of a certain age doesn’t mean you can take liberties.

Likewise, don’t call me petal. I hate that. Or other assorted plant parts. Like flower, blossom or daisy. It’s interesting how no one gets called stamen or pistil. Who in the world wants to be called by the names of plant reproductive organs anyway??

Then there’s animal names. Kitty, kittykins, bunny, fluffy and poodle leap to mind.

My M made these tarts. They were yummy.

I wouldn’t want to be called a tart, either. But I almost choked when standing in line behind a man who, while talking loudly on his phone, kept calling his significant other tart and tarty.

Hummm. I’m feeling tarty today. I think I’ll visit Victoria’s Secret and stand on a corner.

Yikes.

There are lots of other food names. Muffin, cupcake, cookie, pudding, sugar and tootsie. And what about shrimp roll or pumpkin? If you call me one of those, I might get out my extra large roll of duct tape and find a place to stick it.

I guess my point (other than the one at the top of my head) is that most of the time, these “pet” names are unsolicited. They get hung on you whether you want them or not. And oftentimes by people who don’t know you very well, or perhaps not at all. A store clerk once called a friend of mine “cuddles.” They did not know each other and yes, she’s a bit overweight. She left the store and never went back. What was that clerk thinking? Clearly, not much.

A few other choice monikers are sweet cheeks, baby doll, snookums, pookie and peach. Aren’t those lovely?

Eureka! The next time someone I don’t know (or barely know) attempts to reduce me to a single ridiculous word, I’ll fight fire with fire.

Waiter/ess: And what would you like today dear?

Me: Awww. Look at you, you snookums muffin. Now be a baby doll and get me a steak and salad. And petal sweetie, don’t forget to fetch me some extra napkins and some ketchup. Run along now. There’s a good little poodle.

Would that work? I mean, you have to start somewhere. What do you think?