Please enjoy the humour of Nces13. If you would like some smiles and laughs, stop by to view their many funny cartoons.
My Life… My sister said she would be late for our scheduled video chat this morning, so I thought there would be plenty of time to wash my hair and …Expose yourself to… #dogs #cats #humor
I hope you enjoy the humour of Barb Taub. She’s hilarious!
For this review of the many inane things locked in my head, we’re going to focus on lyric content and not titles or artists. To set some parameters, …Friday Night Clam Bake – #28: Another Deep Dive in the Dumpster of Music Trivia
I hope you enjoy this hilarious list from Brian Lageose. Cheers!
After that run of Past Impefects in the last 30 posts, let’s pull something out of the archives to cleanse our palates before moving on… 1. People …10 Reasons Why John Saul Books Are Just Like Real Life
This send-up of John Saul books from Brian Lageose is terrifically funny. Please visit his blog and enjoy a chuckle or two.
https://bluebirdofbitterness.com/2021/12/05/sunday-funnies-159/ B.O.B. has shared a very funny witticism on her awesome blog today. Go check it out …Bah Humbug … well not so much. 🔔
This is a reblog of a reblog from Bluebird of Bitterness to Melanie at Sparks from a Combustible Mind. It encapsulates A Christmas Carol perfectly. 🙂
I saw this cartoon on Melanie’s site: https://sparksfromacombustiblemind.com/
She has been collecting and posting some great funnies. 🙂
A carnivorous domain has commandeered this pool. But what sort of domain?? Here is a laundry list of possibilities:
– degenerate elf spa
– psychopathic salad greens
– denture retirement home
– the evil car from Stephen King’s evil car novel
– Michael Bay film set
– vicious attack bunny lair
– there’s nothing carnivorous in there at all; it’s the secret toilet paper depository
What do you think?
Happy Wednesday. 🙂
I’m not a morning person, but even if I was, I would still love coffee. Strong coffee. Turkish coffee. Arabic coffee. Cafe mocha. To me, coffee has all the nuance and complexity of a good wine.
Unless it’s plonk coffee.
And I know that this is some sort of national heresy, but when I think plonk, Tim Horton’s springs to mind. Well, it doesn’t spring. Their coffee has all the kick of grandpa’s walker.
Coffee is one of the best times of the day, even if it does mean that I’m propped up somewhere instead of sleeping.
Coffee has done a lot for me, too. For one thing, it has kept me awake enough to be employed. For another, it’s probably saved me from countless charges of road rage and the like.
Without coffee, I’d be unemployed and in jail. It’s amazing what coffee can do.
But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become sensitive to it. Which is weird, because it seems like everything else is desensitizing. I don’t see as well. I don’t hear as well. Calories arrive and take up permanent residence anywhere they can find a squat. I consider it to be a good day if I don’t wake up to another sag.
It used to be that coffee would never keep me awake, no matter what time I drank it. Then I couldn’t drink it in the evenings. Then I noticed that the afternoons were problematic. Then I noticed that it could make me a little shaky. Drinking coffee all day became a thing of the past.
Mornings, though. Those were sacrosanct.
So this morning while sitting at work, I noticed a slight tremor in my hands. I also felt a little jittery. As I reached for my coffee, I realized that I was consuming my fourth large cup. Could my hands and the coffee be related???
My cup holds a quarter of a litre.
Oh oh. Was I on my way to drinking a litre of coffee a morning??? Oi.
I thought about it. I thought, I don’t usually drink this much coffee.
Then I thought, yes I do.
And no, I don’t mean poo-poop-de-do civet coffee, either.
I’m not giving up coffee. I’ll cut back, but I’m not giving it up.
While I was thinking about it, I decided that there’s some other stuff I’m not giving up.
Maybe the odd cigar.
You’ll have to pry this stuff from my cold shaking hands.
Well okay, okay. Maybe I will have to sort of give it up at some time.
But never completely.
What will you never give up?
So I found this in my search terms, along with “narcissist bullshitter” and “the narcissist cookbook.” Could be something funny here – do you think?
Are narcissists bullshitters? Do they bullshit about cooking? Or are they busy cooking up bullshit? With Yop yogourt? Yuck. Now there’s an unattractive visual. Maybe the searcher was looking for Gordon Ramsay’s cookbook.
My ex-narcissist was the biggest bullshitter when it came to his cooking abilities. And everything else. But when it came to recipes for the narcissistic line, he was yops, er, tops.
What recipes would The Narcissist Cookbook contain? Let’s take a quick stroll through a potential table of contents.
1. Appetiser – The “I love you because you’re perfect” Smoked Oysters.
2. Pasta – The “I can’t live without you, precious” Farfalle with Creamy Truffles.
3. Meat – The “I really need a quick loan and will pay you right back” well done flank steak.
4. Fish – The “will you marry me” Cedar-Planked Salmon with Arugula Salad.
5. Palate Cleanser – The “you’re such an annoying person but anyway will you buy this suit for me” Eye-Watering Lemon Sorbet.
6. Dessert – The “I’ve fallen out of love with you but you still need to buy these tires for my car” Curdled Creme Brulee.
7. Cheese Plate – The “I know you want a divorce but you’re gonna have to pay me” Squishy Grape and Smelly Rotten Cheese Platter.
8. Very Expensive Civet Coffee with Petit fours.
9. Free-at-last Digestive (recipe not included in cookbook but necessary in order to recover from meal-induced heartburn. Don’t worry. It goes away.)
10. (Next day) Tummy-soothing Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, best consumed with good friend.
Do you have any recipes to add? 🙂
I don’t really do new year’s resolutions. Sometimes, I’m definitely tempted, but I know what will happen – nothing.
I’m one of those people who has to be ready to do or not do whatever it is; an arbitrary due date that forces me into trying to change some awful behaviour or other will only result in failure, at least for me.
It’s much better for me to think about what I won’t do rather than about what I will do. At the very least, it’s the kind of whimsical bullshit that puts me to sleep at night, so it does accomplish something.
As a result, I have created the list that none of you has been waiting for – the top ten things that I resolve to not do. I can now bask in the rationalization that sometimes, making new year’s commitments is very hassle-free.
1. Go parachuting. The only way I would do this is if the airplane is on fire and James Bond is not available to rescue me.
2. Pierce a body part. I pierced my ears when I was 17. That was enough. Starting a personal relationship with Hitler would be more attractive.
3. Get a tattoo. That whole fad is starting to get ridiculous, especially among the oldsters, who are making themselves look older by trying to appear younger. If you ain’t where you are baby, you’re nowhere, and that particularly applies to age.
4. Join Facebook, again. If you want to see narcissism in action, Facebook is the place to go. The oneupmanship/mea culpa crap is nauseating. The idea that we want to know your every move and your every lame thought – well, don’t strain yourself. I don’t need to know that it burns when you pee. Just quietly visit a doctor and quietly inform the source of your “Burnin’ Love.” Otherwise, this information is not important, and neither are you. In fact, I would rather eat a bug than read your stuff.
5. Eat a bug. I’m not planning on joining a reality tv series situated in some remote jungle where the only food sources are bugs, eyeballs and leftover toenails. Or something else that’s equally gross.
6. Enjoy shopping for a new bathing suit. Now, those of you who “know” me know that I hate shopping. Shopping for a bathing suit? Stuffing a pine cone up my nose would be an easier task.
7. Climb Mt. Everest. I gave up backpacks when I left the army. Ditto tents, cold beans and ropes. Doing that same crap in -50 while the wind is howling and you’re about to run out of air sounds about as logical as performing brain surgery with a pair of pliers. Just because “it’s there” doesn’t mean you have to do it. Cars are “there.” I don’t jump in front of them to see if their brakes are working.
8. Start eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. M calls this stuff “the dirty bird.” That is descriptive, isn’t it?
9. Open my own shoe store. I only like comfortable shoes and hate it when my feet hurt. I would never try to make people feel like they have to wear the crap that supposedly keeps them “fashionable.” Have you noticed those shoes that make a woman’s foot look like a hoof? Giant ugly platforms with squared toes that especially on petite women, call to mind Henry VIII’s armour. The feet, not the codpiece. Anyway, I’m relieved to see that they are starting to wane.
10. Run for public office. I don’t think that I’m suitable. Really. I’m not narcissistic enough, deluded enough, disrespectful enough or suffering from megalomania enough. Now, if only the rest of the world would listen to me. After all, I have all the answers. And remember, it doesn’t matter how you get there, only that you do.
See, that was easy, wasn’t it? Do you have a list of stuff you know you won’t do? Share your thoughts, please!