Trumpian Pee Soup and Other Political Delights

Trump has insulted our prime minister. Badly. He called PM Trudeau “weak,” “meek and mild” and “dishonest.” One of Trump’s advisers even went so far as to proclaim that there is a “special place in hell” for Trudeau.

Now, no matter what your political stripe, that kind of unregulated and moronic loudmouthery is something that will unite this country faster than you can say Jacques Robinson. That’s because, love him or hate him, Trudeau is ours. In other words, we can criticise him, but American political hypocrites who project their personality issues onto others can’t. That’s not allowed.

And then to tell us that we’ll pay??? Gall darnit, now you’ve really done it.

A riled Canadian is not a pretty sight. And although that whole “polite and nice” bit is mostly a stereotype, angry and pissed is not our natural setpoint either.

Just wait and see.

How Canadian is this?

So, right now there’s a movement to boycott all American products and services.

Buy Canadian!!

Or, buy anyone else’s products but theirs.

I was thinking about this. We could do it. It would require some pretzelling, but we could.

And we’d probably be healthier and smarter.

Just think, no more Coke, Twinkies, or Doritos.

No more desperate housewives from? Hmmm. Not sure what city they’re from. But they’re desperate, they’re from the States, and watching them will make you want to lick your own eyeballs.

No more smarmy bachelors and bachelorettes who look like they have been built from a kit.

No more cross-border hockey.

Really?

Well, if all the Canadians left, many of the teams would collapse. But at least the season would be over before May. May hockey is just wrong.

No more internet.

Wha???

Actually, we can calm down about that one. It was the result of a rather large, world-wide collaboration that was constructed, layer by layer, on the work and ideas of many, including Nicola Tesla. At various stages, American interests put money into it, but so did a number of other nationalities. However, what we think of as today’s internet was invented by a British guy named Tim Berners-Lee.

There. It’s okay. The internet is not “owned” by the US.

So yes. We could probably live without US products.

But the problem is, I don’t think we want to and that sentiment is about an awful lot more than just stuff.

We’re pissed because a good friend has done the equivalent of announce to the world that one of us farted a big one during dinner and that the bed we offered had bugs. Except these would be total lies. Actually, it was Donnie who peed in the soup – figuratively, that is.

We’re pissed because our veterans have been slighted.

We’re pissed because we’ve been deemed a security risk over the War of 1812.

Really??? Donnie, you baby brain, are you seriously serious?

We want things to go back to how they were. Yes, there was the occasional squabble, but there was never anything serious.

We got along, visited each other, intermarried, tried each other’s food and culture and books and watched each other’s sports, and yes, ridiculous tv shows.

For the most part, we’ve always been pretty chummy.

But now, everyone feels awkward and embarrassed. People are taking it upon themselves to apologise for a leader they probably never voted for and of whom they are ashamed.

A pretty great relationship has become an uncomfortable side hug.

But for as pissed as Canadians might be at the moment, please remember that we’re pissed at Trump and his entourage of peckerwoods. We’re not pissed at you.

We know that the majority of Americans didn’t vote for him. We know that many of those who did felt that they were doing the right thing.

I just hope that underneath the orange glow that’s emanating from your direction, we’re really still friends, and will continue to be friends, long after the Trumpian morass has been consigned to the past.

Now it’s your turn. How do you see it?