More Narcissist Slayers!

The wonderful Madeline from Madeline Scribes has nominated me for the “Narcissist Slayer” award. I feel very honoured because I have now been twice nominated for this particular award.

Yes, I’m bragging. How very narcissistic of me. 😉

I don’t accept awards, but I do want to pass on the names of the other people that Madeline has nominated. Here, forthwith, is her list.

1. After Narcissistic Abuse

2. The Heart Drive

3. Kimberly Harding

4. My Daily Minefield

5. One Hot Message

6. Recovered Annie

7. Psychopath Resistance

8. The Ability to Love

Many thanks, Madeline!

6 thoughts on “More Narcissist Slayers!

  1. My narcissist was a co-worker that went out of his way to be my “friend”.

    At work, I had a reputation among the guys to be “hard to get”, mainly because I am very religious and many of the guys (correctly) assumed that I must be a virgin. The narcissist played on this and introduced himself by saying “I am very religious and I am seeking a wife; when can we go out?” Of course, this line worked because I only date Christian men and he figured this out. The discussions that followed were about church only, etc. However, once in a while, he would slip in a “you’re so breathtakingly beautiful”, etc. Finally, after he begged for three months, I agreed to go out with him.

    Strangely, this is when things first began to change. He would constantly cancel the dates and sometimes, would pretend that he never asked me out and that I asked him out. He would also tell me that he wanted to “make out” but would then rephrase it as if I were telling him that. I had never made out with a man, so I knew that I wasn’t saying those things and he was being very explicit. It was at the point where I could have reported him for harassment, but he made sure that we were “friends” first, so it would not be likely that I would report him.

    I began to pull away because I didn’t understand him, but then, he would compliment me more and talk about how he wanted a wife and ask me out on dates again. Sometimes, I would decline and say “can we go another time?” He would then suddenly become cold and say “well, I’ll have to think about that if you can’t go when I want to go”. I thought that this was unusual because they would be impromptu dates that he would make on the spur of the moment, but would be upset if I already had plans. Afterward, he would not talk to me for a while except for work-related reasons only. A few weeks later, he would make dates and cancel them again. One day, he invited me to his house and against my better judgement, I went. He just hugged me a lot and whispered a lot of romantic things, kept offering me alcohol (even though he knew that I didn’t drink) and danced with me. He tried to kiss me, but I turned my head… I had never kissed a man before and because I could sense that something was not right, I didn’t want my first kiss to be with someone that seemed to be playing games.

    After that visit, he kept making impromptu dates but getting mad when I couldn’t accept them again and on and on. Finally, he said “we should just be friends” and pretty much cut off all contact except for work-related contact only. I was a little sad because it was sudden, but I quickly got over it and I felt that it was for the best.

    When I stopped paying attention to him, he would contact me to tell me things that he was doing to other women of a s*xual nature. He would imply that he would have made me his girlfriend if I had done what they were agreeing to do. Afterward, he’d say “that’s okay, we’re just friends”. A few weeks passed while we were just “friends” and we began to talk about things that we did while growing up and the types of discipline that we would receive. Not many people know, but I was mildly abused while growing up, but other than mild depression, I’ve been fine. However, I made a comment that made him respond with “were you abused?” I didn’t want to lie, so I said “a little” and then he said “well, I want to help you”. He kept asking me more detailed questions about the abuse and telling me that I should completely stop communication with my parents. Of course, I would not do this and he would act as if he were mad and did not want to speak to me if I didn’t.

    Finally, I lost three relatives in a short amount of time and my parents began to argue with me a lot. I was starting to feel depressed and a little suicidal but I didn’t tell anyone. One day, I went to work in a solemn mood and he asked “are you feeling down, like suicidal, maybe?” I tried not to say anything, but I nearly began to cry and I had to admit it. This was the worst thing that I could have ever done.

    From that point onward, he would tell me that he wanted to help me but would turn around and insult me by saying that I needed psychiatric help because “only crazy people want to kill themselves”. He would then ask me how I was feeling and if I were doing anything to change my situation. If I weren’t doing things his way, he’d say “stay away from me if you don’t want to listen to me”. I was starting to feel worse due to his advice, but he was acting as if he was helping me. Finally, one day he asked how I was feeling and I said “terrible” and he said “well, don’t talk to me and I am never calling you until you submit your crazy self to a psychiatrist as I asked… wait a minute, am I talking to you or your other personality? This is not you… nevermind… you’re gone… I don’t know who this is.” He then abruptly ended the conversation and did not talk to me for days. During those days, with my personal situation, the deaths of relatives, and his efforts to try to make me believe I was crazy had me so suicidal that I had to call one of the emergency counseling numbers!

    After that, I felt a lot better and resumed my life reconciling with my parents and moving on by myself. I even met a nice man and entered a relationship. It is important to note that the narcissist is African-American, I identify as African-American, and my boyfriend is Caucasian.

    When the narcissist started to notice me looking refreshed at work, he started trying to re-enter my life as a “friend” again. He asked if I was in a relationship and wanted to know everything about the man, including looks, race, etc. However, he became very upset when he found out that he is Caucasian. At this point, he began to flirt again and try to act as if he wanted me again. I stopped him and told him that it was inappropriate because I belonged to another man. He said “ARE YOU SAYING THAT I AM A THREAT?” This was very arrogant because I would not even consider him over the nice man that I met. This man never played games and the narcissist could never compete.

    The more happier I became, the more the narcissist seemed to become angry. I wasn’t talking to him as a friend much or anything else because he already pushed me away at my lowest, so I could no longer trust him. He now began to call me ugly and say that “if you gain weight, your White boy will not want you”. When I would question him, all of a sudden, he would have no recollection of saying any of these things. He would also invite me to All-Black events and tell me to bring my boyfriend knowing full and well that my White boyfriend would not be able to attend and would be shunned if he tried. He would also reprimand me for any Facebook posts that I make if he didn’t like them and would reprimand me for things that I did at work even though he was not my boss.

    At the end, he said “I control you” and I said “you are a master of manipulation, but you do not control me”. He then went into a rage saying “the whole world is against me, all of you just want to bring a Black man down, everyone is watching what I am doing and talking sideways, all of my friends turn around and judge me, whatever I do is my business, I don’t give a ****.”

    From that point onward, he acts as if I am the wall. This is unusual because he says hello to everyone because that keeps his image “superior”, so it is very noticeable when he looks straight through me at meetings and walks quickly past me glaring, etc. I’m just glad that it’s over, but I still Pray that he does not look for revenge.

    • Wow! It sounds as if you have had a very classic encounter with a complete narcissist – someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everything you describe is exactly how they behave.

      As you found happiness, he tried to reel you back in again – they do this in order to be the ones who do the discarding. Secretly, he is envious of your happiness and is trying to take it away from you.

      They also like to learn personal details so that they can exert control over others – it’s emotional blackmail and narcissists can be very good at manipulating any information they come across. In addition, he will use anything – race, gender, religion, background, whatever he can find – to try to control you or make you feel crappy. Don’t buy any of it.

      If he’s ignoring you, let him. The more he stays away, the better. As well, you need to cut him out of your life as much as you can. The first rule for dealing with narcissists is “no contact.” Be cautious, however. Narcissists are notorious for using character assassination in order to get back at people. The only thing you can do, especially if you love your job and want to stay there, is to show through your actions that you’re not what he says you are. There’s a good possibility, however, that many at your workplace already know that he’s a problem, especially if he’s been there for any length of time. Remember, too, that you’re on to him, and that can give you strength.

      Good luck! Let me know how it’s going.

I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s