In Praise of the Stepmother (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There once was a horrible woman who treated her biological daughters better than her step-daughter. In fact, she treated her step-daughter like the most lowly of servants. Then a rich guy fell in love with the servant girl, married her and took her away from her bad situation. The end.
Sound familiar? Other than the fact that this silly story suggests that marriage is the answer to a woman’s dreams, it has historically been the bane of every stepmother in at least the last 200 years.
The wicked stepmother. By now it has become an archetype. I’m not sure what its origins are but it certainly has had staying power. It encapsulates the notion that if children are not your own, that you can’t love them, and worse, that you actually hate them and will carry out that hatred in nefarious and crushing ways.
What an image for women to have to cope with! Not only do they have to deal with a ready-made family but they also have to overcome these ridiculous fairy stories.
Most stepmothers try to do their best. I know, because I used to be one. It’s difficult, demanding, and requires the sensitivity of a professional diplomat. And there are few rewards for getting it right, but lots of condemnation for getting it wrong.
Yes, lots of step-parents are crap. But lots of biological parents are crap, too.
Mother’s Day is coming. Its popularity did not come out of the idea of honouring one’s mother. That came out of war. Out of the heartbreaking losses of sons that women had to endure because a government decided to send them to die. And there were lots of stepmothers among them.
Hallmark and other companies have commercialized and capitalized on Mother’s Day and it has become a colossal money-maker for florists and restaurants and the makers of cards. Its founder, American Anna Jarvis, was disappointed by this. It has been turned into flowers and hearts but that’s not really what it was supposed to be about.
It’s supposed to be about work. Hard work. And love and tears and worry and sleeplessness. And lots of people, not just mothers, have done that for us.
So, this Sunday, we should perhaps honour the fight that our mothers, stepmothers and others have carried out for us. For many of us, it was the struggle that saved us, not the flowers.
Oh Lyn how true this post is. The commercialism of every ‘celebration’ there is a card or a holiday for everything. Mothers, stepmothers have all played their role in bringing comfort to a child’s life. Sometimes they are not recognised,sometimes they are hated for being a disciplinarian – a fine line/balance of taking on a role ..be it biological or not. The majority of cases it’s the child that feels resentful and takes on the ‘you’re not my mother’ stance. For better or worse most are there to help and as you say being placed into that position often gives no rewards ..where you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Excellent post sweetie. xx
Thanks so much, Jen! 🙂
Yay to Moms whoever they may be. I still think of mine on Mother’s Day. Luckily I have a great Mom in Law to fill the void.
That’s so great! Mine passed away many, many years ago, but I also still think of her often.
What a beautiful post!!! Thank your for these sentiments. Stepmothers, such as myself, so need more support such as this. thank you.
You are very welcome – I know how hard it can be!
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Hello dear! I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can read more here if you’re interested in participating: http://dustandsoul.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/7-facts-15-bloggers/
Thank you!
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Thank you so much for providing unending resources for living a happier life and for always showing your support for others. You truly rock!
Thank you for your kind words! I’m now blushing profusely …
I agree. . . The Cinderella story (like all fairy tales we are told as young girls) is a bit sad in the suggestion a girl has to be “saved” via marriage.
So true, isn’t it? I am definitely not in favour of that way of thinking!
You’ve won an award! 🙂
http://madelinescribes.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/most-influential-blogger-award-2013/